Jacob's Bella
by Whispering Darkness
Summary: Takes place in New Moon. Bella has a nightmare, nothing new there, right? But maybe it's just about time to wake up, face reality, have a good cry and hug a werewolf. Or smell the roses. Whichever works for you.
1. Chapter 1

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I awoke from a horrible nightmare. One more terrifying than all the others I'd had since He left.

Instead of him leaving and me awaking to the emptiness of my existence without him, I'd dreamed that he _hadn't_ left. I'd dreamed that he had stayed, that we had stayed together and that I had become a vampire. That one day while out hunting in the woods I hadn't been able to stop myself and, like Jasper, had pounced at the smell of human blood. Before she'd had time to blink I was there, sinking my teeth into her soft flesh. I had killed her and when I moved away from the body I had seen that it wore my own, human, face. Then, as if the events up till then hadn't been horrible enough, wolf-Jacob had rushed out from between the trees and attacked me with a terrifying fury.

I screamed so loud upon waking that Charlie rushed into my room. Usually he would just leave me to handle my nightmares on my own and I was thankful for that, knowing how helpless he felt but glad that he didn't fuss. This time it was different, though. I was beside myself, hysterically crying, screaming and sobbing into my pillow and my dad remained helplessly by my side, awkwardly patting my back and asking me if I needed anything when my crying stopped, and I had finally calmed down enough to be able to talk.

I knew what I needed, and for once it wasn't Him. "Jake?" I croaked out, feeling about all of five years old and wanting more than anything to feel the ultimate safety of one of my best friend's too warm, too tight hugs. I needed the reassurance that I was still _me_, that I hadn't killed anyone, even myself, and that he didn't hate me.

I didn't notice when Charlie left the room, still too caught up in my pain and fear.

The nightmare had seemed so real and although Jacob had been a wolf in my dream, I had still been able to read the cold rage in his expression. It had scared me more than anything in the world; more than James when he was about to kill me, more than Jasper when he lunged at me on my birthday, red eyes blazing. My survival instincts had never been very good; hanging out with vampires, hell _dating_ a vampire was enough proof of that. Those times when I had been confronted with death had been frightening, yes, but I had never before felt the heart stopping terror that overcame me when Jake attacked me in my nightmare.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice pulled me from my thoughts and for a moment I thought I was just hearing his voice in my head, like I had been hearing Edward. One of his warm hands reached out to where I laid huddled on the bed and only when it made contact with my skin did I realise that he was really here.

I froze, suddenly terrified.

"Bella?" He asked again, and I could hear the frown in his voice. I knew that I was being silly, that Jacob would never _ever_ hurt me but I couldn't shake of the image of wolf-him tearing me apart with his supernaturally strong jaws.

"J-Jake?" My voice was shaky and tears were once again making their way down my face. I felt the bed dip when he sat down next to me and then he gently drew me into his warm arms. I buried my head in his chest, unable to stop my tears from coming as I clung to him like my life depended on it. Who knows? Maybe it did.

"Right." I heard Charlie's voice. I hadn't even realised he was there. "I'll, uh. Just leave you to it then." He awkwardly said, fleeing my tears.

I clung to Jake until my tears stopped and even after that I remained there, in his arms, before Jake finally pulled back a bit and I could feel his gaze on me.

He softly called my name once more but I only lowered my head further.

I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes.

I never wanted Jake to look at me like _that_, I don't think I would have been able to bear it. Just the thought of him regarding me with such cold, raging fury was enough to make me want to curl up in a corner and cower and cry.

Jake gently took my face into his large hands, lifting my head, but I screwed my eyes shut. Wolf or human, Jake's eyes were just the same so I knew that I would find the same eyes in his face as in the wolf in my nightmare. Would these eyes contain the same hateful rage? I knew they wouldn't but still couldn't find the courage to look at him.

"Bella, look at me honey." His voice was comforting but I stubbornly shook my head none the less.

"Bells." He sounded more worried now. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Nightmare"

"Yes, Charlie told me."

A beat of silence before he continued; "Was it about… _him_?"

I could hear the barely restrained anger in his words and I instinctively flinched, pulling away from him, and he released his hold on my head.

"It was, wasn't it?" his voice was softer now, but no less tense.

I wanted to explain but the only words that came out of my throat were; "You killed me." That was _not_ what I had meant to say.

I could feel his body tense beside mine, "_What_?" he breathed, pained.

"It was just a nightmare." I said in a small voice, wanting to take the words back.

He started shaking. "You, you dreamed that I killed you!?"

Great, now I'd done it. I had turned this into one big mess and I needed to fix it. But first I _needed_ to know for sure.

"Do you hate me?" I hated that I sounded like a little kid.

Jake stopped shaking immediately, the tenseness leaving his body entirely. He slumped in on himself and when he spoke again he sounded just as much like a child as I had; "No. No, of course not Bells. W-Why would you… is it because of the nightmare?"

"Promise?" I begged him softly.

"Yes." He breathed out, shakily taking one of my hands in his. "I promise Bella"

I finally lifted my head and met his eyes. They were filled with concern, pain, helplessness and tears. There was no anger there. No hate.

I slumped in his arms, my irrational fear all gone. "Sorry, Jake." I mumbled, feeling absolutely foolish, but also immensely relieved.

He pulled me into a too tight hug, murmuring reassurances in my hair. "I would never hurt you, honey. It's ok, Bella. I promise."

And it was.

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	2. Chapter 2

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My nightmare had been a rude awakening in more than one way.

I had rudely woken up my father, who had rudely woken up Billy by calling him up at four o'clock at night. Billy in turn had rudely woken up Jacob who had then rushed over.

But that's not exactly what I meant.

My nightmare had awoken me to the reality of my relationship with Edward. It had drawn me out of the remnants of my zombie state and made me face what it would have meant if Edward _had_ remained with me.

I love Edward, but the more time I spend without him, the more I realise that I would never have had a happy future with him.

I love _him_, yes. But I don't like _me_ when I'm with him.

I don't like the person he was turning me into, even without out the vampirism. That madly in love, oblivious to all else, dependant on him for her very survival, Bella. I had never been a dependant person; I had always taken care of myself and I liked it that way. I took care of Renée more than she did of me, not that I minded.

But then I had met Edward, and suddenly I couldn't go to school, to sleep or _anywhere_ without him.

I had _always_ needed him.

And he had always been there; an all-encompassing presence that my world was centred around, always protecting me from anything that would or _could_, harm me. Even me.

He was _always_ there, protecting me from falls, scrapes, scary situations, vampires, death, and _life_.

It's not that I _wanted_ to fall or that I objected to him catching me if I did, it is more that he stopped from things that could result in me falling. He would have never let me go cliff diving or even ride a motorcycle.

No, that's not quite true.

Edward was always very concerned with my safety, but if I'd really wanted to do something _slightly_ dangerous he would have let me do so.

If doing everything he could to convince me otherwise failed, that is.

He wouldn't have stopped me. But _I_ would have _let_ him stop me.

And that's what I hate most about Edward's Bella.

Well, that, and the pathetic zombie I turned into after he left. If I had ever needed any proof of the fact that I was too dependant on him, that was it. I literally couldn't sleep without him, not without nightmares. I fell apart at the very thought of him, at the very mention of his name.

He broke me.

I _let_ him break me.

Even after he left, he still remained the centre of my universe. And I had been living in a zombie-like state, clinging desperately to the last vestiges of his presence.

Even when it had been months since he had left I had always remained Edward's Bella.

I don't want to be that person anymore. That weak, dependant, helpless person.

I love Edward, I really, _really_ do. But a small part of me, the tiny part not screaming out in pain and hopelessness, is grateful in a way for his leaving. I could never have broken his hold on me on my own. I could never have turned him away. I needed him too much. Even now I long for him; for his cold arms and his velvet voice. For his overpowering love.

I would have let him change me. No, I would have _asked_ him too. I would have had him turn me into a vampire because that was the only way we would have a future together.

A future…

The future Bella would have been graceful, beautiful, and strong.

Not clumsy, not _human_, not Bella.

Not Bella, but a beautiful, blood-drinking, cold, hard, graceful vampire.

Would I have killed humans? Would I have 'slipped up' and taken the life of another person? Would I have cared? From what the Cullens had told me, the newer the vampire, the more difficult it is for them to control themselves.

I could have become a killer, just as in my nightmare.

How could I have ever made such a choice?

A choice that could lead to the death of some innocent, unknown person.

A choice that _would_ lead to the death of the clumsy, human Bella.

I hadn't realised it with Edward by my side; his beautiful face and his breathtaking voice always engulfed my mind in a strange sort of haze where all my thoughts were centred around him.

I hadn't realised it when I was still clinging to his memory, refusing to face reality.

I hadn't realised it then, but now it was painfully obvious to me.

I want to live.

I want to be able to eat: to taste the sweet, fresh flavour of a strawberry, to taste the heaven in the most delicious chocolate ice cream and the home in a freshly baked batch of cookies.

I want to be able to trip over something or another and shake my head at my own perpetual clumsiness.

I want to be able to bleed, to sleep, to dream, to _breathe_.

I don't want to be Edward's Bella any longer.

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	3. Chapter 3

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Jacob has been treating me much too carefully lately.

It reminded me of Edward, who had treated me like a china doll; afraid to break me and careful not to let me break myself.

What I had always loved about Jake is how he would never stop me from doing slightly dangerous and damaging things like riding a motorcycle or jumping of a high cliff into the ocean. How he didn't completely freak out whenever I gained another bump, bruise or cut due to my excessive clumsiness.

Ever since my nightmare Jake has been more careful with me. Not that he is in any way controlling or overly protective, but he is careful in a different way.

Not treating me like a china doll, but like a wild animal that's afraid of humans.

Jake had always been forward with me, holding hands, initiating hugs, brushing my hair out of my face, putting his arm around my shoulder. Now, though, he is far more reserved. It would have been fine if it meant that he was finally 'respecting my boundaries'.

But I really don't think that's it.

I think that he's being overly cautious and gentle with me because my nightmare totally freaked him out.

I think that he's scared that he will frighten me away.

I think that _he_ thinks that _I_ think that he could hurt me.

I think that he's being completely ridiculous.

As if having a weird dream of his werewolf self tearing me to pieces would suddenly make me run screaming if he hugged me too suddenly or too tightly.

His behaviour is really starting to get on my nerves and I really hope things will get back to normal in a day or so.

Because if he doesn't snap out of it soon,

I think _I_ might snap.

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	4. Chapter 4

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Ok. That's it. I've had enough!

"Jake!" I yelled out when he oh-so-gently put a blanket around me, watching me carefully all the while. I sprung up, throwing off the blanket as I did.

Even the non-werewolves at this pack bonfire were perfectly able to hear me. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Kim's head shoot up in surprise and that Emily curiously turned her head in my direction.

I ignored them both.

"Bella?" he asked me in that soft, gentle voice that was once comforting to me. Now it was just plain old annoying. He was holding out his hands in front of him in a universal I-mean-you-no-harm sort of gesture.

I had put up with his behaviour for almost a week now, figuring that he would stop after a couple of days since he _should_ be able to see that I _clearly_ wasn't in any way afraid of him.

No such luck.

"Jacob Black." I practically growled, stalking towards him. "Will. you. stop. being. completely. ridiculous." It wasn't a question but a demand and I poked him in the chest with every word.

I heard someone snort and turned my head to bless Embry with a hard glare. "Nothing to see here." I snapped out, waving my hands in a 'shoo' gesture "Move along."

I turned back to Jake. "As for you… sit down."

He looked at me in utter confusion.

My patience with him had long since run out. I grabbed his hand and pulled him downwards. "Sit. Down." he hesitantly followed me to the ground and once again we were seated side by side on the sand.

I took a deep, calming breath. "Now." my voice was more conversational now. "Do you want to try that again?"

Jacob's face was still a study of confusion; "Try… what again?"

I sighed deeply, drawing up on my last vestiges of patience. "I was shivering because it's cold." I spoke slowly as if to a dim-witted child. "So…?"

"So… I put a blanket around you." his tone was apologetic. "Did I startle you?"

I groaned. "Ja-cob" both syllables were drenched with irritation. "You put a blanket around me. Because that this is what you've always done when I'm cold, right?"

"Um." He looked at me cautiously "no…?"

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. "So I'll ask you this once more: will you stop being completely ridiculous." Once again it wasn't a question, but a command.

But he just _had_ to be stubborn. "What do you mean?" He asked in a confused but gentle voice.

"Argh!" I threw up my hands in the air in frustration. "God, Jake! You think that just because I had a weird, very lifelike nightmare of your wolfy self tearing me into itty bitty pieces means you can't put your arms around me anymore? You think that I'm gonna scream like a girl whenever you touch me? You think that I'll run off the second you raise your voice in anger?"

I could see that I had surprised him with my little annoyed monologue. He opened his mouth to answer but I held up my hand to silence him, not giving him the chance.

"Those were rhetorical questions." I informed him, my previous irritation all but gone now that I finally got that off my chest. "So." I continued. "Are you gonna stop being completely ridiculous now?" This time it was a question.

He grinned at me and put his arm around me in reply, drawing me close to him. I snuggled into his warm, bare, chest and sighed in contentment "_Finally_"

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	5. Chapter 5

I was standing on the cliff that I had once seen Sam, Paul and Embry jump from. Back then I had thought them suicidal.

Now I was wondering about my own state of mind.

"Aw, come on, Bella. It will be fine!" Jacob stood next to me, a bright grin lighting up his face.

It was a sunny day out and when Jake had suggested cliff diving I had been enthusiastic at first. It had been surprisingly fun the last time we had done this.

I had assumed he would take me to the lower outcropping as before.

I had assumed wrong.

Jake held out his hand. "I'll be there the whole time Bells." He assured me, before moving in for the kill. "Trust me?"

'So this is what Princess Jasmine must have felt like.'

I knew I couldn't refuse him now, and from the mischievous twinkle in his eyes I could tell that he knew that as well.

"If I die, I'm gonna kill you Jake." I grumbled, but there was no real anger in my voice.

"Ah, Bells. Live a little!"

Despite my apprehension, Jake's infectious happiness made me grin as well. I knew that he would never put me in any _real_ danger.

Still. The cliff was pretty high.

"You ready?" he asked me, still holding out his hand for me to take.

There was some hidden emotion in his voice that made my heart skip a beat and I instinctively turned my gaze to his face, trying to discern what it was.

In his eyes I found joy, patience and love. I found kindness, hope and laughter. I found life.

I nodded without a word and took his hand without any more hesitation.

I was ready to live.

* * *

**A.N**.: The end.

Well, it _was_. But I couldn't stop myself, and now I've written a bit more. So there _will_ be a couple more chapters.

Still, I had to add this author's note so that we could all take a moment to enjoy or despise the nice, cheesy, appropriate ending where Bella jumps of the same cliff as for her almost-suicide-ish something in the books. Only now with the intention to _live_.

Tell me what you think! Except if it's really, _really_ mean. Or dirty. Hmm... let me rephrase that.

Tell me what you think about _the story…_ or about cliff diving or something. I'm not _too_ picky. ^-^

Love,

Maria


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N.** I was actually very unsure about continuing this story. It could already be regarded as finished with the previous chapter and I quite liked that ending. I don't know if my next three chapters are really necessary for this story. Perhaps I might change my mind and delete or alter them later. I do kind of like my new ending too, but I'm not really sure about this chapter and the next.

So; if you want to disregard these next three chapters and accept the previous chapter as an end, that's totally up to you.

* * *

A smile formed on my face when I thought back at the previous week. After I had finally come out of my funk and decided to live again things had very much improved.

Especially my time with Jacob.

Not that anything had really changed; we still do what we always did; hang out in his garage or with his friends, take walks on the beach, ride our motorcycles.

Everything was still pretty much the same. Except that I enjoyed it more.

Jacob had always made me feel better; he had made smile and laugh even when I was still mostly a zombie and he had kept me together when the hole in my chest still frequently tore me apart.

Now that I had finally let go of my pain, emptiness and despair everything was so much brighter. My laughter more whole-hearted. My happiness more carefree. I felt so much more alive.

I wasn't afraid anymore of how I would feel after I left La Push to go home; when Jacob was gone and I was alone again. The gaping hole I felt at Edward's absence was mostly gone now. Thinking about Edward was still painful, but it didn't break me. I felt more confident in leaving Jake, knowing that I didn't _need_ him to be able to breathe or smile. I didn't _need_ him to live.

Not that that stopped me from spending most of my time with him anyway.

It was wonderful to hang out with Jake without Edward's shadow hanging over me.

It was liberating to go with him to the pack bonfires or Sam's house without being afraid that one of his friends would say something or make some remark about 'leeches' that would remind me of Edward and tear me up.

I could handle that now.

I could become a part of the odd hominess of the wolf pack without feeling like I didn't belong there.

I could take part in the crazy exploits of Quil, Embry and Jake without feeling that anything was holding me back.

I could live again.

And I did so, whole-heartedly.


	7. Chapter 7

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I stood in the kitchen, taking the apple pie that I would be bringing to Jacob's out of the oven. I put it on the counter to cool off and went upstairs to quickly change. The clothes I had been wearing were clean when I started with the pie but my clumsiness had taken its toll on them and now they were white from the floor and sticky from the butter. I could take a shower, but then I would make us late and I hated that. Besides, it was just Jacob and our dads anyway. They wouldn't mind if I smelled of apples or had a bit of sugar in my hair.

I heard Charlie come home and called out a quick greeting, telling him I'd be ready to go in a minute.

We had been having dinner with the Blacks more often lately; sometimes Billy and Jake would come here but most of the time we ate at the Black's. Billy and Jake usually took turns cooking and I was glad to find there was something I could do that my best friend _wasn't_ good at. Hanging around with him as he fixed up his car or our motorcycles was a real blow to the ego.

So when it was Jake's turn to cook, it was usually me making dinner in Billy's kitchen with Jacob's 'help' or 'moral support'. I smiled at that. Jacob really wasn't much help in the kitchen. Sure, if I gave him a very specific task to do, he could do it. But it was usually easier just to do it myself. Even so, I enjoyed it when he kept me company while I made dinner just as much as I enjoyed keeping him company when he worked on his car.

I looked forward to the barbecue tonight, I wouldn't be cooking but I knew that it would be just as much fun now that the roles were reversed. I smiled. This time I could be the 'moral support'. It didn't matter really, hanging out with Jake was always nice.

It was really no wonder that I loved spending time with Jake. He was always so warm, in the figurative sense, though it is just as true literally. He was always so happy that it made me happy.

I loved how he would always know when I was hesitant of his, Embry's or Quil's more outrageously sounding ideas and how he could tell with just a glance if I really didn't want to go along with it or if I was just a bit apprehensive but secretly thought it would be fun.

I loved how he could always make me smile.

I loved him.

My heart missed a beat, and I froze; I stopped brushing my hair, I stopped breathing. I automatically put down my hairbrush without looking away from my own wide eyes in the mirror.

I loved Jacob Black.

The world stopped moving and started again as I tried to adjust myself to this new information. Air returned to my lungs as I started breathing again.

It is strange that it took me so long to realise this simple fact when it was so blindingly obvious.

I was in love with Jake.

I felt like I should be terrified, like I should be annoyed or even angry.

But I wasn't. Instead I saw a soft, beautiful smile form on the face in the mirror and my heart filled with a strange kind of warmth.

A hopeful feeling.

A gentle feeling.

An overwhelmingly happy feeling.

I laughed out loud as these emotions overcame me, the love for Jacob rushing over me in gentle waves.

I flew down the stairs, ready to go to the Black's right now, and I came upon my dad in the kitchen. Charlie looked up at me with a guilty look on his face. He had found the apple pie and had apparently been too impatient to wait. He quickly brushed his hands together, getting rid of the crumbs and looked at me cautiously.

I looked at the pie and noticed a small piece had been cut out.

My grin did not dim.

I giggled, bursting with happiness, and gave Charlie a quick but tight hug, just because he's my pie-stealing father.

"I'm ready to go." I beamed at him.

I could tell that Charlie was slightly confused by my stange behaviour but he just shrugged his shoulders, apparently too glad to have gotten away with it to worry about what kind of drugs I was on. "Ok, then."

I grabbed the pie and my coat before following my dad to the car, my heart filled with joy, hope and love.

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	8. Chapter 8

I climbed out of the car and followed my dad into Billy's house, bringing my apple pie to the kitchen.

I gave Billy a much too cheerful hello, before heading in the direction of the backyard where I assumed I would find Jake.

My already wide smile grew impossibly when my eyes found him. He grinned at me in return and I couldn't stop myself from running over and jumping into his arms, feeling happier than I had in a long time. I hugged him as tightly as I could before pulling back with a silly grin on my face.

"What's with you, Bella?" he asked as he put me back down. I hadn't even realised that my feet hadn't been touching the floor. "Not that I'm complaining." He added with a rueful grin.

I shook my head, a wide smile still barely contained on my face.

I couldn't tell him about my newly realised love for him, not yet. I really wanted to; I wanted to jump into a relationship with Jacob like I had jumped into his arms, knowing that I could trust on him to catch me.

I knew it would be easy with Jake. It would be warm, natural and wonderful.

But it would also be just a little bit too soon. I had already thought about this in the car on the way here, and my conclusion was undeniable.

I knew that before I could be with Jacob, I needed some time to find out who _I _was again. Just Bella. Not Edward's Bella _or_ Jacob's Bella, but just me.

Sure, it had been months since Edward left, but I had only left _him_ less than three weeks ago, after my nightmare.

That first week I had just been dealing with the aftermath of my nightmare; with Jacob's cautiousness and my own jumbled thoughts and feelings. I had forced myself to face reality and had come to the conclusion that perhaps Edward's leaving _had_ been for the best.

But just because I realised this, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. It doesn't mean that I had suddenly stopped longing for his presence.

I had faced the truth; that what I'd had with Edward was over. That there was no more future for us and that perhaps there never had been any.

Even so, it had not been easy to let him go.

I had not _truly_ moved on until that day on the cliffs with Jacob; that's when I finally decided to live again not just because I _had_ to, but because I _wanted_ to.

It had been ten days since then. Ten days in which I had tried to regain my footing. Ten days in which I had laughed and lived more than I had since my childhood. Ten days in which I had tried to figure out who I was now. I wasn't Edward's Bella anymore, but I also wasn't the same Bella I had been in back in Phoenix. People change, I guess, and people are changed by the people around them.

I still needed a little more time to be me, on my own, before I could belong to someone else.

So I gave Jacob the only truthful answer I could give him right now, pouring into it all the love and happiness that pervaded my very being; "I'm just so very happy."

And I was.

I knew I still had a little ways to go, but looking at the loving smile Jacob freely bestowed on me at my answer, I also knew that when I got there, it would be more than worth it.

Jacob's bright friendship had made me a brighter, happier person.

Jacob's love would make me a more loving one.

I just knew it.

I could not wait to meet Jacob's Bella.

I think I'll like her a lot.

* * *

End

* * *

**A.N****.:** Cheesy, I know. But what can you do? Story was inspired by the quote;

"_I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you. _

_I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. _

_I love you for the part of me that you bring out."_

I don't remember where I got it from, but there you have it.

I hope you enjoyed the story!

It started out as a tiny little drabble, just my thoughts on Bella when she was with Edward, and it grew into this.

Many thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love to hear your thoughts, encouragement and tips for improvement (I could just call it criticism, but I'm in such a happy mood right now I just can't help picking positive words. *beams*)

Love,

Maria


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